Who do you love and what are you doing about it?

A certain gentleman, that calls me sthandwa sam*my love in Xhosa* and means it.

We talk on the phone almost every morning.  He makes me laugh, walks with me all the time through this terrible time and his just a really big, sweet, toothless tiger.  He tells me he loves me and his really glad am in his life.

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What we have is really precious.

If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

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I would like to say no, but I would change two things.  I would not have enrolled for my Btech in Public Relations.  Instead I would have moved to Cape Town and try to find a job instead of studying.  This year was just a big waste of money.

Secondly, I would go back to the night before my mum passed.  Instead of listening to her when she said will talk in the morning, I would have said NO  and continued talking to her.  Or called abit earlier.  Morning came and she was gone.

This is not to say, I did not enjoy this year, I met great people, did a lot of incredible stuff...but it feels like I traded with the devil and lost so much more.

When was the last time you tried something new?

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Recently nothing really, but two of my friends and I will be going on a Shot Left holiday.  Shot Left is a Department of Tourism campaign, that promotes that South Africans must travel and know their country.  This is our second trip, we hoping to do it yearly, and not to go the typical places like the beach every December like we have been doing.  Last year we went to Clarens in the Eastern Free
State.

This year we going to see the Augrabie Falls in the Northern Cape.  The Augrabies Falls ( /ɔːˈxrɑːbiːz/) is a waterfall on the Orange River, South Africa, within the Augrabies Falls National Park. The falls are around 60m in height. The original Khoikhoi residents named the waterfall Ankoerebis, "place of big noises", from which the Trek Boers, who settled here later on, derived the name Augrabies(wikipedia.com).

I am truly looking forward to this trip, and after such a horrible and hectic year.

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Which activities make you lose track of time?

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A site called Justcurious.co.za which I can access through my phone.  I know lying on your bed and just staring at your phone and moving the cursor till your hands are numb is not an activity.  But this is something that really took most of my time.  I could read their articles without even noticing that time is flying by.  Its a gossip site about our local celebrities and the comments people make are hilarious and mean.

Yesterday, I borrowed Sinazo my laptop, instead of being stressed that she is not bringing it back and that I have a deadline to meet for today.  I just logged on to justcurious. 

It makes me forget reality and just relax.

Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

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For me its a waste of time honestly.  Its soothing yes, your tears might make you feel relieved for two minutes, but its not a permanent solution.

Sethi and I during this period of assignments and running around like headless chickens we BBM each other  a lot.  We are culprits of leaving things till the last minute.  Then the workload gets too much, then the emotional meltdowns creep in.  So normally I will send her a "should I cry now or later" message and every single time she says "later".  This pisses me off immensely when I want to throw a pity party or simply want to give up.

Today though I know this helped, because instead of crying I would do my work.  By the time I am done, I forgot about the meltdown.  Crying is good, no weighing needed if its a weakness or strength...but it can be time consuming.

To my Zim dollar with love.

Are you holding something that you need to let go?

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Yesterday while I busy chatting to someone on BBM, our seemingly innocent conversation turned to something sordid and mean.

I was told am miserable and a stereotype.  It cut deep and left me quite sad to be honest.  I could have immediately taken the victim mode or attacked back.  I did not, instead I did some introspection.  Normally I surround myself with people that know me.  In this comfort zone I tend to "tell it like it is" without considering the other person's feelings because they know this is how I am.  This "acceptance," might have made me have a big head and not be able to draw the line.  All in the name of being honest.  And since my friends know me, they know I am not being cruel intentionally, and that its never my intention to break someone's spirit.

Yesterday I realised  I need to let go of wanting to be always right.  To learn to say sorry first  is not a weakness.

So maybe I need to tone this down, and be considerate.  And since I can dish it out, I must also be able to take it when the same is done to me.  Maybe I need to be more gentle with the truth or just shut my trap.  The latter will work better for now.

But...

When I moved here, I moved with the knowledge or with the stereotypical mindset that Colored people just  love fish.  Well the gaps*runs*, I was told eating too much fish was the culprit.

But ever since I moved here, if am in town, I always see them eating pie.  Yes, pie.  You know pie from Pie City, King Pie and all the other nameless places.  You look there is a person eating a pie, well a colored person.  I told this to Rox yesterday and she agreed with me, after a few giggles of course.

I am not saying this a bad thing, hell I love pie, a story for another day, but this post is not about me.  Its very difficult to eat pie and not mess on yourself except if you eating it with a fork and knife.  They eat it with an art no fork and knife needed, yet they have no crumbs on their faces, no crumbs on their clothes either, like its an acquired skill.

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There is no point to this post, but am simply sharing something I noticed.  Maybe I should get a life.