Feelings follow behaviour

dailydose.com

I had a filthy habit that I started in 2003.  Out of a sheer need to rebel, away from home for the first time, out of my Mother's constant monitoring eye and maybe to be cool I started a very costly habit.  My mother once said, I will never give you too much money, boredom can make children do strange things, and my money will not be spent on drugs.  My poor mother, she did not know that some drugs just cost a rand back then.  

I carried on with this habit, unbeknown to her, if she found out the disappointment in her eyes would kill me more than the knife she would stab me with.  When my teeth started looking like they had been stained with a  dash of gold, breath stank like a sewer and my chest was beginning to make oozing sounds, I knew COOL does not have to be this nasty.  Quitting was social suicide because I had to let go of the people that enjoyed this cheap drug with me.

Needless to say it was not easy, especially when things get out of control in your life, and you can't stop them from falling apart.  This usually  made me 'grab one' because that 'one' I can control. This was the scenario whenever I decided to quit. I bottle up a lot of feelings, anger, disappointment, rejection, fear of the unknown and so forth.  I have found a new drug now, makes me sweat all the feelings like a pig, I stink just like one afterwards, but with it comes killer toned thighs, iron butt and gorgeous legs and very happy lungs...running is my new drug.