Of all the forms of courage the ability to laugh is the most...

REJUVINATING.

To be able to laugh in the midst of it all, yourself, your situation and everything else you cannot control.  To laugh wholeheartledly from the pot of your belly, till you want to pee in your pants.

Laughing is equivalent to the faith that you have, that unwritten uncertainty that eventually, not now BUT everything will be okay.  Laughter is the meantime to a better place that promised land.

laughinabudance.com

When I hear the sound of a laughing child, I always know, with no doubt THERE IS a God.

28 October 2012

Every year on TV they always show a clip on the news of the 'wind season' in Cape Town, I hope I can call it that.  On 28 October 2012, I experienced it first hand.  Mind you, my mom and I would always laugh when we watched it, women in the city trying to hold on to their dresses.  I walked around on Monday chuckling under my breath because it was so weird.  I wished I could call home...

The wind literally pushes you back, so you can't move forward or rather you cannot move, your foot gets stuck in mid air.  Like you are in the Matrix the movie.  I tripped on my own foot and nearly fell.  I had to go back to town twice, because I forgot my wallet in my room.  So when I was done, I went straight home, before the wind could blow me away.

P.S. do put rocks in your pockets as anchors.

New obsession...EASTERN BAZAAR

I don't remember in which sitcom I heard the word "foodist" but I got yet another excuse to just enjoy food with no guilt.  My stomach is showing such terrible signs, it looks bloated, thank goodness for my concealers, CLOTHES.

Sivani had told me about the Eastern Bazaar, wanted me to try some Indian food, and said we MUST go till she got a job, and we all know how that story ended.  Sometime three weeks back, my Zim dollar Sethi and I were supposed to be doing our Media assignment.  Then she said she bought something she wants me to taste.  I cannot remember what its called, but it was rice with eggs, green peppers, chicken strips, decilious spices and it tasted divine.  I was hooked on the spot.

Now I go so many times, trying new things, that the guy who sells there says SEE YOU SOON.

Its so bad, I actually chose a chicken curry over our Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe's new book. 

The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood trauma.

Dr. Gordon Livingston was a US author and psychiatrist, who wrote a critically acclaimed book called Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, wherein he 30 truths or life lessons (which you can read more about here ). He believed that every individual is in control of his/her destiny, despite their past of current situation. The fourth chapter in his book was called 'The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas.'

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The chapter goes on to explain that despite what has happened to us in our childhood, whether it be severe traumas of neglect, we are still in control of our destiny, and in order to move forward we must first be willing to let go of the past, in order to move into our future.

I have asked myself this question manier times, I even blogged about it earliar on in the year.  I am still waiting for an answer from my destiny.

Dare to be different.

No words can describe how much I love this picture.  I stole it from a friend it was her BBM display picture.  When I told her am stealing it, she said she knew I would love it, so it was bait for me.  I fell in love all right...

Pictures have a way of just capturing the most beautiful moment and they tell a different story for every person who looks at them.

Obviously I was captured by the little lady in the middle, the orange hair, the closed eyes because of the sun and those cute teeth.  I cannot get over how beautiful the girl behind her is as well, her eyes speak of years of sadness, you can see both their reality in her eyes.   The contradiction of their skin color makes the picture of course, had it been just one of them in the picture, it would be just another picture with a child.  


When being different is captured so beautifully.

Am thankful...

For the comfort I keep finding in words...when am feeling so lost, that only the kindness of words comforts  me.  From BBMs, to smses, to phonecalls or simply reading a random tweets and the never ending conversations.

Only bad things happen quickly...

Then you want to hold on to something, because everything is moving so fast, everything is blurry and you can't breathe because it feels like the air is being squeezed out of your lungs, squeezed in such a painful way words will never be able to describe it.  Like the world's carpet has been pulled right under your feet, so you falling into this dark deep hole. 

Then you make yourself stop, breathe, because its so surreal. Then you realise, just because you going through the worst time of your life.  That does not mean the world will stop for your pain, nope, it just continues...that is the reality of life.  It happens so quickly, that you are never the same ever again.

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you!

I would be a stay at home Mom, with four kids to be exact.

This is a bit tricky because one, the education I have literally blood was shed*apartheid regime* for me to have, how dare I not live the South African dream to the fullest?  My mother raised us alone, worked so hard so that my life would be easier...so how dare would I just want to just sit at home, and be a kept woman?  And for someone who has the biggest marriage phobia, being a stay at home mum would mean I would have to get married to someone, for the rest of my life...the HORROR!

Yet with all that said, I really would like to be one.  Wake up and make them breakfast, drop them off at school, go to their after school activities and just be there and make them cookies on a Sunday morning.  Give them butterfly kisses on their tummies and tickle them till they can't breathe...oh the sound of a laughing child*goosebumps*.

This will never happen, because I was raised and trained to be independent and more especially to never be submissive to any man.  To want more out of life, to keep chasing this dream that will supposedly make it worth it, to be anything else...will be frowned upon, success is measured by things, not by the good, decent children you have brought into the world. 

What a bummer, I would make such a HOT staying at home mom.

P.S. not everyone can pull a Victoria and be both, some of us, we always HAVE to choose.

Be bold and MIGHTY FORCES will come to your aid.

*cues the SUPERWOMAN song*

As I am  typing this week's posts, am so tired, so sleep deprived, walking around with a swollen face and wishing the MIGHTY FORCES would rather just fast forward time to mid November.

I have not done anything bold of late, just waking up and being part of the day when everything else is falling apart.  My mighty forces of course are the amazing people around me, who hold me, when I can't be bold or feel like I can't anymore.

So my mighty forces are already at my aid.

The Soil

The soil is a group that sings in vernac...vernac X-ho-za*he he which in Xhosa in an English accent.*   The band consists of two guys and one girl and sing beautiful love songs.  A little bird just whispered in my ear that they are performing at the Kirstenbosch Gardens at the beginning of November.  This is right before we write our Business Management exam, the one subject that totally shows me flames. 

Now the question is to go or not to go? Besides the going, who to take with?  Can't exactly take Rox, who does not understand Xhosa*sad face*, and I doubt the girls in my unit like The Soil. 

I have missed their shows twice already, in Bloem and here.

Whats a girl to do?

*triple sigh*

Am grateful for...

Savanna Sampson...your acceptance, your craziness and the way you always want to embarrass me thinking I will love you any less makes me laugh.

Zanele Khewu...for being kinder to yourself for a change.  The same kindness you share with everyone, you deserve.  Remember this.

Lastly, to Itumeleng Nkopane, my irritating and always happy friend.  Half of the time truly speaking I want to knock your teeth out.  But your never go down spirit I silently need, SOMETIMES.

If not now, then when?

jumapili.com

This must truly be my lucky day or not because am still lazy to do my Media studies and I have a presentation tomorrow*BBM bruised face*.  Anyways the title of today's post reminds me of a woman I totally idolize *please note the groupie lingo, words such as TOTALLY*, Tracy Chapman.

This is how the song goes:  IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN? IF NOT TODAY, THEN WHY MAKE THE PROMISES? A LOVE DECLARED FOR DAYS TO COME IS AS GOOD AS NONE.  YOU CAN CRY TILL MORNING COMES, YOU CAN PRAY FOR A NEW DAY, PRETTY SOON IT WILL BE COSTLY...COZ IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN?

Aaaah just singing those possibly wrong lyrics made me smile.  Tracy is my guilty pleasure, which this time includes no fat or anything that aggravates my acne*side eyes chicken wings, bubbly milk chocolate and hot custard*.

Blind FAITH

My blog like my personal life will take a turn from here on.  What originally started as a blog telling you guys about my 'great trek from Bloem to Cape Town" and my tedious adventures will now be a journey to something more profound I hope.  My journey through life without my Mother.  A very unexpected turn, just like my coming here to Cape Town.  Well that was planned, but the events that came with my moving were unexpected.

Something is going on in my life, my faith is being tested, and my trust in God and other people is on trial as well.  This was supposed to be an easy post to write because I knew what am going to say, but now that am here I have gone blank.  I plan a lot, I like routine as I have mentioned more than a thousand times.

Today though, I learnt yet again, that when God shows up, HE TOTALLY SHOWS OFF.

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*note to self:  I am going to celebrate every single emotion, that makes me feel normal again.

Watch this space.

I moved to Cape Town in the hopes of becoming a fashion buyer.  This was going to be possible because I came with no plan B, I was going to chase this dream till it happens.  Come rain or sunshine I told myself and my Mother.  I hope you do pick up that I am speaking with a past tense tone.  This is because I was told again that I have no Textile background, so this wont be possible for now.

I am going to start working again, probably in a job I dread but I will save money like I did the first time and study again.  This is my passion, my purpose...no ifs or but.  If Sbu Mpungose, my role model could be the first black editor for Cosmopolitan, what is stopping me?  Freaking circumstances my inner negative voice says, but these can always be turned around.  Have no plan B and your hunger for it must never be fed.

I am down, but I dont like the feel of the cold tile on my face!!!

*walks away in her imaginery red sole heels*

Am thankful for...

To be continued...I can't dance in the rain today, with my luck this week, I might just catch a cold!!!!

Hope in the face of adversity

cafepress.com

 

 

Last year around this time I was sitting at the Georgiou's reception feeling so stifled knowing for a fact that there is more to life.  I could feel in it my bones and spirit.  Fast forward to a year later, I could punch a wall.  Never in my 27 years of life has life been so hard.  My days are filled or brimming with challenges in every single corner.  They say always have faith that something good is coming around the corner.  This person did not have my life.

I had a hectic day, a presentation that I thought went well was flushed down the toilet and being repeatedly told that we will fail is not helping as either.  I get to Res and try to sleep and wake up to a list for Comm Science that crippled my spirit.  You would think after surviving relocating and the 1st term it would get easiar, silly me!!!!!  Can I run away and never come back?

Tears wont come down my face because I cannot believe things could be this hectic.  This is me being stubborn to my own feelings, my body refusing to break but my mind and heart is in pieces.

P.S. dear God, I am not as strong as you think, quit the jokes now:(