We are afraid of the wrong things

Am an aunt, to a niece who is 18 and a nephew who is turning 5 this year.  Time flies...when my sister had her daughter I was 10.  So I was still young, and thought she was so tiny.  Babysitting was part of the package in my late teens, she was a sweet child, and loved singing in front of the stove with the hoover cord.  Now when she had my nephew, that was love to another level.  I love him like his my own, well he is besides the formalities.  He runs around the room, he destroys stuff, when I do spank him, a part of me shifts, deep inside, then I end up hugging him instead of disciplining him.  Then at that point in time, I know it must be pretty amazing to love so unconditionally.

I sometimes wonder if I will have children or will there ever be a good or right time.  I have so much stuff to do and figure out, to bring a child into this*I can't even name it*, would be such a cruel move on the child's part or an inconvenience for me.  At the rate our country is going, will it even be safe, 5 years down the line to have children?   And if I end up not having them, would that mean I have not accomplished one of my duties as a woman?  Would I be less of a woman?  Then there is that fear, if I don't have kids who will look after me when am older?  To make things worse I have friends getting children left, right and centre.  They tell you its better to have them now, while you can play with them.  Then there is the age issue, and finding a guy in these telling times of HIV/Aids.  Then these thoughts continue, and I end up in a frenzy thinking of things I cannot control.

These are baseless fears, and strictly put by society and my own silliness, and are the wrong kind of fears.  Maybe I won't have kids, maybe I will.  At the end of the day, I will have fulfilled my true purpose to be what I want to be.  Make my mom proud, and be a good sister. I will have travelled the world, because time does not wait for anybody anyways.  Fear does this to a person, makes you paranoid, makes you not enjoy now, or give your best.  Maybe I won't have kids, but can I look back and be proud of what I see.  While I was panicking, I forgot that my niece is in matric this year and has decided she wants to be a doctor, my nephew who is autistic is healthy and is a happy child.  Gives the best kisses and when we first head about it, I was sad for a day or two, then I decided this does not matter, we love him and his the most beautiful boy in the world.  Fear would have robbed me of that kind of reasoning.